Frustration

I am so depressed at the way the Democratic primary has turned into a full-blown Shakespearean tragedy. As my husband will attest, I cannot stand to read or watch stories where you see this awful train wreck coming, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. That's why I stopped reading Atonement a couple of chapters in, though I went to the movie thinking - hey, it's just 2 hours long; I'm sure it ends with some kind of uplifting resolution, right? I can stand to get there in 2 hours if not 200 pages. And then, there was no uplifting.

Anyway, that is how the Democratic primary seems. Hillary Clinton is determined to destroy Barak Obama at any cost because she's sure that she can and must defeat McCain in the general election. She is convinced that she can do infinite amounts of damage to him, the party, her own standing with black people, because there will be some kind of happy re-set button as soon as the nomination is closed.

I, who once rejoiced that I would eventually be voting for either the first woman president or the first black president, envisioned a general election where I would actually work on behalf of a candidate, for the first time - and it didn't even matter which one it was.

Oh, how those days are gone. I feel nothing but dread and disgust, once again, in the face of our political process. I want to like Clinton but I can no longer muster any warmth of feeling whatsoever. And what bothers me most is that she seems to be showing us that she really loves the dirty, elbow-throwing, grudge-holding, scorched-earth, my-way-or-the-highway politics that have gotten us into so many messes. I guess I thought that after creating so much ill will in the world, after so many years of entrenched bitterness paralyzing our systems of government, we might actually get somebody with the will and the leadership presence to say: "Whoa. Everybody take a deep breath. We're all in this together. There's a better way forward, a more graceful and productive way, and I actually have the vision to help us all take it." I have been waiting for our Churchill moment. Alas, Clinton seems not only to have fallen into the ways of scorched-earthing and grudge-holding, she seems to relish it. And her husband too. That makes me sad.

I actually think that Barak Obama is the person with the will and the leadership presence to mobilize us on that more graceful path, but sadly, it appears that it might actually matter that he is black. This also makes me sad. And again, with the Shakespearean tragedy thing. Jeremiah Wright - why on earth is he stoking the fires? Why can't the media let this go? Why is it that when Wright says 9/11 is God's damnation for America's sins, it becomes endless media fodder that damns the candidate too, but when Jerry Falwell declares that 9/11 is God's damnation for America's (homosexual) sins it's barely a blip on the radar, let alone a real problem for Bush or McCain? Why is the Daily Show the only "news" outlet that is pointing out this hypocrisy?

Meanwhile, we continue to fall for that oldest trick in the book: When the people are on the verge of uniting for real change, find a way to turn them upon each other. Witness the black community under attack, and eating itself alive along with the feminist movement, with the rest of the left either joining in the fight or standing by in helpless hand-wringing. How did the Clinton campaign go so far over to the Dark Side that they are actually fomenting the self-destruction?

So here I sit: The candidate whom I think to be better qualified to make actual reforms (Clinton), now appears to me fatally flawed and blinded by her gleeful embrace of dirty, win-or-lose politics. The candidate whom I think to be our first real shot at a visionary personality who can transcend old ways and mobilize us on a new path (Obama) now appears fatally flawed because of the color of his skin. I'm no longer sure either of them can win, and I think to a significant extent they did that to each other. It's almost enough to make me stay home in November.