Friday, October 14, 2005

But she's had a lobotomy!

I have an unproductive habit of sizing up my perceived shortcomings, comparing them to other people, and finding myself lacking. Don't get me wrong, overall I think I'm a person with healthy but not overweaning confidence, who likes herself pretty well. (Thank you, parents!) But I have this bad habit of thinking, "Boy, why can't I seem to do X?" and quickly following it with, "especially because Mary Jane is doing X just fine and she doesn't even have the use of her right hand! What kind of wimp am I, anyway!?"

This week I have been so very, very tired. I know it's just the cumulative effect of a half-marathon, a trip out of town, a head cold, two client deadlines, and poor sleep due to crappy hotel beds and a hacking cough. All perfectly reasonable. But my business partner, who has been carrying the bulk of the load on the new client job while I finish up my old ones, HAS FOUR-MONTH OLD TWINS. So I think, "Boy, why am I so tired when Zena has infant twins and probably never sleeps? How lame is it that I'm leaning on her to get through this week?"

I know this is completely and utterly ridiculous. Zena herself laughs at me and points out that this is exactly why we prefer to work in partnership instead of solo - to level out the ebbs and flows of work and time/energy. She also has a very wise saying: Don't judge your insides by somebody else's outsides.

So one of my goals for my older, wiser 40-year-old self is that I'll learn to transcend this pointless habit.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

let Toby be your role model, and mine.