Whatever you do, just DON'T mention Canadians
As I recently mentioned, it turns out we have (through NO action or malfeasance on our part) been getting a bunch of free cable for, oh, about six years. Whoops. Which the cable company apparently figured out a few weeks ago, and cut us back to the channels that we actually pay for - a package so paltry that they don't even list it on their Web site as an option. I think they're legally obligated to offer it so poor people can at least get some television in a hilly city with crappy reception. You get the major networks, public television, the public access channels where people broadcast made-up shows from their toolshed, and the Weather Channel.
Anyway, we tried being all cultured and "maybe we don't really need to watch all that television" for a little while, but after about two weeks we said screw it, we want South Park back.
So I tried to order the service online, because I'm becoming more and more like my mother in my dislike of the telephone, and had a rather odd Internet chat session with a customer service guy. It went a little bit like this.
Dave: Hello, my name is Dave, how can I help you today?
Flora: Hi Dave, I want to order Basic Cable.
Dave: I see that service on your account.
Flora: [Thinking maybe we really are supposed to be getting 99 channels for $14 a month after all.] You mean you show that's what I'm ordering? Or you show it's what I already have?
Dave: You would like Basic Cable?
Flora: Yes, I think so. I want the one with, like, 77 channels plus the CBC. That's what we used to get, but we don't any more.
Dave: CBC?
Flora: Sorry, Canadian Broadcasting. It's channel 99.
Dave: [Goes away for a long time.] I'm sorry, I can't tell from here which package would have the CBC. If you really want the CBC, you'll need to check the listings for your local area on our Web site to find out which package includes it.
Flora: Ok, apparently I have made things overly complicated. It's a bad habit of mine. Let's back up. What service package do your records show I currently have?
Dave: Limited Basic.
Flora: Limited or Basic? Because those are listed as two different packages on your Web site.
Dave: [Goes away again for a LONG time.] Ok, see, you threw me with that bit about the CBC, because I'm in Canada, and I was just so surprised that anyone would want Canadian television.
>>>This chat session must be terminated because you left the chat screen. You may return to our Web site and start again.
I had not left the chat screen. I was waiting patiently for Dave to regain his composure, and sell me some damn cable channels. Apparently, my admitted interest in Canadian television was SO SHOCKING that it overloaded the system and spit me out.
Today I just phoned the cable company, the old-fashioned way. I mentioned absolutely nothing about Canada. It seemed best.
Anyway, we tried being all cultured and "maybe we don't really need to watch all that television" for a little while, but after about two weeks we said screw it, we want South Park back.
So I tried to order the service online, because I'm becoming more and more like my mother in my dislike of the telephone, and had a rather odd Internet chat session with a customer service guy. It went a little bit like this.
Dave: Hello, my name is Dave, how can I help you today?
Flora: Hi Dave, I want to order Basic Cable.
Dave: I see that service on your account.
Flora: [Thinking maybe we really are supposed to be getting 99 channels for $14 a month after all.] You mean you show that's what I'm ordering? Or you show it's what I already have?
Dave: You would like Basic Cable?
Flora: Yes, I think so. I want the one with, like, 77 channels plus the CBC. That's what we used to get, but we don't any more.
Dave: CBC?
Flora: Sorry, Canadian Broadcasting. It's channel 99.
Dave: [Goes away for a long time.] I'm sorry, I can't tell from here which package would have the CBC. If you really want the CBC, you'll need to check the listings for your local area on our Web site to find out which package includes it.
Flora: Ok, apparently I have made things overly complicated. It's a bad habit of mine. Let's back up. What service package do your records show I currently have?
Dave: Limited Basic.
Flora: Limited or Basic? Because those are listed as two different packages on your Web site.
Dave: [Goes away again for a LONG time.] Ok, see, you threw me with that bit about the CBC, because I'm in Canada, and I was just so surprised that anyone would want Canadian television.
>>>This chat session must be terminated because you left the chat screen. You may return to our Web site and start again.
I had not left the chat screen. I was waiting patiently for Dave to regain his composure, and sell me some damn cable channels. Apparently, my admitted interest in Canadian television was SO SHOCKING that it overloaded the system and spit me out.
Today I just phoned the cable company, the old-fashioned way. I mentioned absolutely nothing about Canada. It seemed best.
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