Victory is mine!

Ha HA, I have finally achieved what for so long seemed impossible, a feat beyond my merely mortal grasp: The ability to speak on a cordless telephone AND connect to wireless Internet access at the same time. Why would they manufacture phones and wireless routers that broadcast on exactly the same frequency, why, why??

When my dog Nelly becomes Empress of the Universe - a goal she has kept firmly in her sights since the day she was born - one of the ways I plan to use the power that will come to me, as her loyal minion, is to fix silly things like this and make the world a more sensible place. Under the new world order, the Empire of Nelly the Magnificent, I will be the Secretary of Making The World Act Sensibly. I think Nelly the Magnificent will be willing to grant me that title, after all my years of loyal service to her - although first I'll probably have to submit to some hot pokers for all those baths I've subjected her to, all the chicken bones and puppies I have pried out of her stubborn jaws, and all the times I resisted her telepathic command to hand over my dinner plate. Not to mention the times I put that plastic cone around her head for her own protection, whooo-baby, that's definitely some hot pokers. Plus I'll have to prove my loyalty by kicking the crap out of that damn furnace that has tormented her so long, her nemesis, the Moriarty to her Holmes.

Nonetheless, provided there is a golden trough of food at her disposal at all times, and she never has to get her feet wet, I think she'll be willing to delegate some actual management of her empire to lowly minions like me.