File Form 2210? Concentrate and ask again.

Well I took the first crack at our taxes this year - a bit belatedly, to be sure - and we owe a whopping lot of money. Enough that we will have to pay a penalty, though I don't know how much because despite the fact that the IRS sent me eight different forms this year - cleverly remembering each form that we required last year, what with my self-employment and all - we will have to track down yet another form to tell us what kind of hideous penalty they will extract from our hides for not having complied with the pay-as-you-go tax system.

Seriously, we have TWO analytical masters degrees in this house; Flora has been entrusted with the management of multi-million dollar charitable organizations, and Enrico is a professional financial analyst for our county government. And yet, we never come remotely close on our taxes - and the weird thing is, it could go either way. Last year, we got a hefty refund. This year, we will have to sell off some organs of secondary importance. Go figure.

So, I will go in search of form 2210 to find out what our punishment is - though I'm warned only to file the mysterious 2210 if it "indicates that [I] must do so." How will it indicate that to me? Is it like the Magic 8-Ball? Does it literally speak, like the portraits in Harry Potter? Do I lay my hands on it and get an answer, like a ouija board?

I am also a bit daunted by this "Tip" in the tax booklet: "Because Form 2210 is complicated, if you want to, you can leave line 75 blank and the IRS will figure the penalty and send you a bill. We will not charge you interest on the penalty if you pay by the date specified on the bill. If your income varied during the year, the annualized income installment method may reduce the amount of your penalty. But you must file Form 2210 because the IRS cannot figure your penalty under this method."

Yeah, I have no idea what the hell that means. Next year, it's probably time to find a tax accountant. Boy does that ever make me feel old.